danger1I’m scared.

I’m meeting a sister for lunch this Saturday. I haven’t seen or spoken with this sister in years. I missed her wedding because I was trying to get sober/clean. I’m afraid she might be angry at me for that. I’m afraid she might be resentful for other things in the past.

And I’m afraid that I might be touching this part of my family too soon. That I might be uncovering old wounds before they’re ready to be revealed.

I’m scared I might drink.

I wrote a post a while ago about coping ahead when I was preparing for a business trip. I’ve also written about avoiding emotional entanglements – avoiding the very thing I am about to engage in.

It would do me a lot of good to take my own advice. I can cope ahead, and I can act in a way that avoids emotional entanglements.

danger2Coping Ahead

  • Meeting makers make it – The first thing I’m going to do Saturday morning is get myself to a meeting. I’ll need the encouragement that I find there to help shore up my nerves. What I used to find in bottles and pills I now find in the camaraderie and mutual understanding of the AA group.
    I can’t just go to the meeting, though. I’ll have to share what is called a “Burning Desire.” I’ll have to share that I’m actively thinking about drinking so that the group knows I need support.
    Of course, I could just sit in the back of the room and listen to other people talk and share, but I’ve spent a lot of time doing that – and then I’ve gone out and gotten drunk. If I want to stay sober, I need to speak up about what I’m struggling with. I need to ask for help.
  • Call my sponsor – this is something I haven’t been doing lately and definitely need to be doing more of. Calling my sponsor keeps me honest about what’s going on in my life, both good and bad. I haven’t been calling her every day like I used to. I’ve got plenty of excuses and reasons why I haven’t, but they don’t matter. The fact is, I need to call her and tell her what’s going on so that she can help me.
  • Use the God Box – In other words, pray about it and leave it in the hands of my Higher Power. There is something powerful about writing down my worries on a slip of paper and then putting them away in the God Box. It transfers my mental gymnastics into a physical act, helping me stop the anxiety wheel that seems to run constantly in my head.
  • Exercise – I have so much nervous energy and emotion, I must find a healthy way to express it! I’ll have time between the early morning meeting and lunch to find a park for a walk/jog. Getting rid of some of that nervous energy will help me feel more settled and at ease.

Avoiding the Emotional Rat’s Nest

danger5I am already thinking about what my sister and I will talk about. I’m mapping out the conversation in my head, obsessing about how she will respond to things I say. And I’m already assuming the worst.

But I really shouldn’t.

I should keep a positive mindset. This is a chance for me to reconnect with a sister I haven’t seen in years. This is a chance for me to meet my new nephew! At the very least, this is a chance for me to eat Mexican food (one of my favorites)!

I don’t need to entangle myself in all the emotional upheavals of the past. This is just an opportunity to have lunch with my sister – there’s no need for it to be anything more.

I can stay sober through this event – if I use my tools – if I stay humble. I must always remember that I am an alcoholic/addict. I cannot simply walk into these situations without preparing myself. I must do the work first, and then I will see success.

 

One thought

  1. You know you can do this, do not have any expectations and be ready that she may have objections but that is all they are. Try to put your fears into perspective and you can do this xx I am with you all the way xx

    Liked by 1 person

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